DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY
JERRY "THEME SONG" BLARES, THEN DIES ...
Audience
JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY...
Host
Thanks for taking time to join us for our series of dysfunctional families. Our first guest says that he is living a lie with one brother, while secretly being seduced by others. Please welcome Pax.
APPLAUSE
Host
So Pax, tell me how you got yourself into this position
Pax Romano
Well Jerry, you know basically I been livin wiff Roja.
Host
At least 2 election cycles, isn't it? So what caused your current problems?
Pax Romano
Iieeght, Iss like dis. I tried to be faithful but I jes can't. Basically Jerry, what it comes down to is, I have needs. If you're gonna be one of my peeps, you got to know how I roll. Jes one can't vibe me no more. I have.. needs, know what I'm sayin'?
So I brought Roja here to say I jes can't be faithful. And das it.
Host
What needs?
Pax
I have to maintain my power. You know, status quo. Don't matter to me who I'm wiff, really. They all ho's. I use 'em boffe.
Host
Kind of a political pimp. And does Roja know this? Well, I guess he does now. Please welcome, Pastor Roja.
Audience
APPLAUSE
Roja emerges from backstage, slightly overweight with too neatly placed hair, short sleeve white shirt and tie, carrying a Bible under his arm. He moves to a chair center stage, which he promptly picks up and moves farther away from Pax but then sits facing him.
Pastor Roja
You do this to me, You do this to me? I trusted you...
Host
Pastor, so you and Pax have been together for quite awhile?
Pastor Roja
"Well Jerry, basically we have been together, off and on, since the Reagan days...
(Angelic Singing out of nowhere) AAAAaaaahhhhhh!
and we even have children together. He my baby daddy. Little FRC, A.K.A. Family Research Council, Liberty Council and even
Hillary's Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, although we think that one was from a hysterical pregnancy.
Then there's little CC, short for Christian Coalition. He looks just like his Daddy Pax, doesn't he? Then there's NRA.
He whispers, "We don't know who his Daddy is but he keeps coming around, thinks he's part of the family anyway and so we just feed him".
Host
What's going on now?
Pastor Roja
Well Jerry, in spite of all I do for him, Pax is unfaithful. I know he's has been calling his "EX" who also happens to be my brother
Audience
OOOOwwwhhh!
Pax(to Audience)
Oooyyeeeaaaaaaa....Status Quo, baby. I got to keep my status...and (laughing)y'all can Quo to hell.
Pastor Roja(to Pax)
All I do for you! All I do for you!!!
Host
Let's bring out the "Ex"....Here he is REVEREND CYAN!!!!! Cyan charges out from back stage. He is thin, wearing a full length ministerial robe, jeans, Birkenstocks, a ponytail and immediately engages Roja in wild, arm flailing combat.
DING, DING, DING.....WILD APPLAUSE
The Show's black shirted bouncers separate the two, momentarily
AUDIENCE( chants)
SHOW US YOUR CROSS, SHOW US YOUR CROSS,...
Immediately, as he starts to dance about , Rojas pulls up his shirt and reveals an ample stomach
APPLAUSE
Roja emerges from backstage, slightly overweight with too neatly placed hair, short sleeve white shirt and tie, carrying a Bible under his arm. He moves to a chair center stage, which he promptly picks up and moves farther away from Pax but then sits facing him.
Pastor Roja
You do this to me, You do this to me? I trusted you...
Host
Pastor, so you and Pax have been together for quite awhile?
Pastor Roja
"Well Jerry, basically we have been together, off and on, since the Reagan days...
(Angelic Singing out of nowhere) AAAAaaaahhhhhh!
and we even have children together. He my baby daddy. Little FRC, A.K.A. Family Research Council, Liberty Council and even
Hillary's Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, although we think that one was from a hysterical pregnancy.
Then there's little CC, short for Christian Coalition. He looks just like his Daddy Pax, doesn't he? Then there's NRA.
He whispers, "We don't know who his Daddy is but he keeps coming around, thinks he's part of the family anyway and so we just feed him".
Host
What's going on now?
Pastor Roja
Well Jerry, in spite of all I do for him, Pax is unfaithful. I know he's has been calling his "EX" who also happens to be my brother
Audience
OOOOwwwhhh!
Pax(to Audience)
Oooyyeeeaaaaaaa....Status Quo, baby. I got to keep my status...and (laughing)y'all can Quo to hell.
Pastor Roja(to Pax)
All I do for you! All I do for you!!!
Host
Let's bring out the "Ex"....Here he is REVEREND CYAN!!!!! Cyan charges out from back stage. He is thin, wearing a full length ministerial robe, jeans, Birkenstocks, a ponytail and immediately engages Roja in wild, arm flailing combat.
DING, DING, DING.....WILD APPLAUSE
The Show's black shirted bouncers separate the two, momentarily
AUDIENCE( chants)
SHOW US YOUR CROSS, SHOW US YOUR CROSS,...
Immediately, as he starts to dance about , Rojas pulls up his shirt and reveals an ample stomach
and a large cross on a gold chain. Upon seeing this, Cyan opens wide his robe.
The audience cheers., wildly.
Host
All right, All right. Pull down your shirts, please..
All right, All right. Pull down your shirts, please..
Black shirted bouncers put strings of shiny Jerry beads on both.
Pastor Roja(to Cyan)
You're supposed to be my brother but you can't be. You don't really love this country or you'd want to protect it. You join up with pro-abortionists over our own president. You're against everything this country does. You're not even a Republican you're just part of the angry left. You're blinded by your hatred for this president and can't believe the guy you supported lost...twice! After all, you're much smarter than the rest of us, we should just fall in line behind your great intelligence.
Pastor Roja(to Cyan)
You're supposed to be my brother but you can't be. You don't really love this country or you'd want to protect it. You join up with pro-abortionists over our own president. You're against everything this country does. You're not even a Republican you're just part of the angry left. You're blinded by your hatred for this president and can't believe the guy you supported lost...twice! After all, you're much smarter than the rest of us, we should just fall in line behind your great intelligence.
Hey I know, why don't we bring back Jimmy Carter?
Reverend Cyan
Really? So Jesus was a Republican? I think not! How can you support someone like Bush who would take us into war, especially under false pretenses? Great, you protest against abortion. I hate it too but what about the poor? What about the environment and those who are in prison? What about the homeless and those with HIV? Are you doing anything for them? You wear your WWJD bracelet and a little fish on your SUV and listen to talk radio but what would Jesus do, really? Isn't your God big enough for more than one issue?
Roja
Yes and more than one testament, too. The bible doesn't just start when Jesus was born. There have been times God has had his children engage in war. "False pretenses?" How about still worshipping a president whose legacy was to "desex" a sex act for an entire generation of young girls and he can't even define what "is, is." By the way, when was the last time you actually shared the Gospel with someone?
Cyan
I actually try to live the Gospel.
Roja
Where's your Bible, hidden in Sandy Berger's pants?
DING, DING, DING....
Again, they engage and Rojas pounds Cyan over the head with his Bible before they are separated.
Reverend Cyan
Really? So Jesus was a Republican? I think not! How can you support someone like Bush who would take us into war, especially under false pretenses? Great, you protest against abortion. I hate it too but what about the poor? What about the environment and those who are in prison? What about the homeless and those with HIV? Are you doing anything for them? You wear your WWJD bracelet and a little fish on your SUV and listen to talk radio but what would Jesus do, really? Isn't your God big enough for more than one issue?
Roja
Yes and more than one testament, too. The bible doesn't just start when Jesus was born. There have been times God has had his children engage in war. "False pretenses?" How about still worshipping a president whose legacy was to "desex" a sex act for an entire generation of young girls and he can't even define what "is, is." By the way, when was the last time you actually shared the Gospel with someone?
Cyan
I actually try to live the Gospel.
Roja
Where's your Bible, hidden in Sandy Berger's pants?
DING, DING, DING....
Again, they engage and Rojas pounds Cyan over the head with his Bible before they are separated.
Audience
Laughing and Cheering wildly
Roja
You love The U.N. more than America!
Cyan
Not accurate. I love this country but remember, God is not an American!
Roja
Maybe not but most of this country's founders devoutly followed Him and some of our leaders still do..Seems like you love everyone but this country. Liberal!
Cyan
Extremist!
Roja
PAC Ho!
Cyan
Neocon Nazi!
Roja
Flyover Fag!
Cyan
Bushbot!
Roja
You love The U.N. more than America!
Cyan
Not accurate. I love this country but remember, God is not an American!
Roja
Maybe not but most of this country's founders devoutly followed Him and some of our leaders still do..Seems like you love everyone but this country. Liberal!
Cyan
Extremist!
Roja
PAC Ho!
Cyan
Neocon Nazi!
Roja
Flyover Fag!
Cyan
Bushbot!
Roja
Redistributionist!
Cyan
Oh yeah, Go Hannitize yourself!
DING, DING, DING! The crowd laughs and roars its approval!
The Host, now roaming the audience, holds the microphone up to a young woman.
Young Woman
Hey, Ponytail! Not that we really don't love to watch you two fight, name call and all, but weren't you supposed to be known by your love for each other? How's that working out for you?
Cyan(to woman)
You don't know me! You don't know me!
Young Man in Audience
Hey NASCAR Billy-Bob, Benny Hinn called and he wants his hair back.
Roja(motioning to the man)
You want some of this?! You want some of this?!
Man in Audience
Hey Bibleboy, there were Christians on both sides of the Civil War, weren't there?
Woman in the audience
Hey Bono, I bet you '"support the troops and not the war." How's that working out for you and the troops?
Woman in Audience
This goes out to both of you. What makes you different different from the Shiites and Sunnis? Always fighting, always at opposite political ends. Didn't Jesus avoid all politics? Hey, when do you guys start the car bombings?
DING, DING, DING! The crowd laughs and roars its approval!
The Host, now roaming the audience, holds the microphone up to a young woman.
Young Woman
Hey, Ponytail! Not that we really don't love to watch you two fight, name call and all, but weren't you supposed to be known by your love for each other? How's that working out for you?
Cyan(to woman)
You don't know me! You don't know me!
Young Man in Audience
Hey NASCAR Billy-Bob, Benny Hinn called and he wants his hair back.
Roja(motioning to the man)
You want some of this?! You want some of this?!
Man in Audience
Hey Bibleboy, there were Christians on both sides of the Civil War, weren't there?
Woman in the audience
Hey Bono, I bet you '"support the troops and not the war." How's that working out for you and the troops?
Woman in Audience
This goes out to both of you. What makes you different different from the Shiites and Sunnis? Always fighting, always at opposite political ends. Didn't Jesus avoid all politics? Hey, when do you guys start the car bombings?
Pax jumps up and begins dancing sexily, swinging around a "stripper pole" on the corner of the stage. The audience goes wild.
Host
Pax, get down off the pole
Pax
It's about the politics, baby. They can't stay away....never will! Better than crack!
Host
Pax, get down off the pole
Pax
It's about the politics, baby. They can't stay away....never will! Better than crack!
You're both my Ho's!
Host
Please stay tuned as we continue our show and try to put the "fun" back into dysfunctional.
Host
Please stay tuned as we continue our show and try to put the "fun" back into dysfunctional.
nnn
What Am I Missing?
John 13:34
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
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