Sunday, November 06, 2005

The 3:00 a.m. Observations & Ramblings of The Terminally Sleep Deprived and Other Generally Inane Comments (unfortunately, an ongoing edition and new additions)

TV Related

  • Today, if we wanted to confirm that Jesus is the Son of God, would The Trinity have to appear on the Maury Povich show for a paternity test?
  • The audience members of The Maury Povich Show are the equivalent of the white trash of the Jerry Springer Show audience.
  • When Pat Robertson suggested "we could take out Hugo Chavez", was that in his capacity as pastor?
  • Does PR remind anyone else of the crazy Uncle in Arsenic and Old Lace? You know, the guy who is digging the Panama Canal in the basement of the Aunt's house and comes up every so often to yell, "CHARGE!" and run up the stairs into his room and slam the door?
  • Is Pat Robertson still a pastor and does he know he's on TV?
  • Maybe it's just me but the smug, self righteous people in the audience of a Jerry Springer Show are really more deluded and more deserving of pity and in need of prayer, than the people on the stage. They just don't know it. People, People! It's the.. Jerry.. Springer.. Show and you're in the audience!
  • Note to myself: Threaten to kill either of my sons or myself, if they ever appear in a show called "Elimidate"!
  • Paris-Hilton? I really don't get either one
  • What is up with Christian TV. Do you need to have really bad hair to host a show.
  • Oprah, person or cult?
  • "Now to you, audience, by a special agreement with God, we have placed the keys to a brand new salvation under each one of your seats. YOU GET SALVATION! YOU GET SALVATION! YOU GET SALVATION! AND YOU...AND YOU!!!!"
  • It must be that you have to pander to one main Christian network to hawk products and/or sell books. It seems to me to be a bad precedent. Doesn't too much power rest with just one media group w/o accountability? Am I the only one who remembers Jim and Tammyface Baker? Does anybody else see similarities?
  • I can't be the only one that is really startled by the hair and make up of some of the women on these Christian shows? It looks as though their make up was applied by snow blower. Don't they have anyone close to them that can be honest?
  • There is one Christian show where it appears that you need to have a minimum of 27 people on stage, nodding and "amening" at all times or you're just not anointed!
  • I wonder if they offer classes in anointedness?
  • Once again, maybe it's just me but do you wonder if it ever annoys God when a brother or sister is praying and they say His name every other word, as if it's punctuation? I guess the way I see it is, I don't talk to anyone else that way.....
  • You've got to love the brother in Orlando who is building his mega studio, brick by brick and stone by stone, as funds allow. It appears that he has been a faithful man, kind of a modern day Noah.
  • I was watching a Christian TV show and an infomercial broke out. All they needed was the constantly yelling British guy, to complete the scene
  • Once again, exactly where in The Word is slain in the spirit and why are all those people falling down?
  • What is with the poor woman who looks as though she is in a perpetual wind tunnel, hawking "all natural products" on Christian TV
  • Are there more people on stage or in the audience for The Gaither's Homecoming?
    Where are they coming home from....and aren't they there yet?
  • I have determined that there is nothing on this planet with a lower prospect for survival than a set of testicles on The Oprah Show( feel free to insert The Dr.Phil Show here)
  • One TV pastor has more Chins than the new owner of Unocal(In light of the news, I guess I better change that but I liked the joke, anyway)
  • How long will it be before there is a reality show about a terrorist cell called Making The Bomb?
  • There must be a learning curve on infomercialism. It seems that once successful, you see the same folks, with different miracle products, over and over again
  • It's only a matter of time until we see the Popeil/Ronco Nuclear______________!
  • It's only a matter of time part 2: An infomercial on infomercials
  • This is "too easy", as they say in White Men Can't Jump but let's talk about car dealership these egomaniacs not get it? The dealers who insist in appearing in their own ads, all look about as sincere as, oh, I don't know, a used car salesman. On one hand you have the man who insists on forcing his granddaughter on us and another guy whose eyebrows look like a couple of caterpillars in a face off, followed by yet another who only knows one hand movement(oh wait, he's performing the always tricky, double hand movement). These local car ads have always been a mild point of curiosity for me. Have they let someone convince them that this humanizes them or was this their idea? "No, baby, your'e really different from all the other car guys. You've got it!"
  • What is with the woman who only speaks to the TV audience with an ornate, glowing picture frame around her head. Must be tough to get through small doorways or stand in line for the woman's room....never mind that, how about fitting into the stall?
  • Got to love the stick-to-itiveness of the Florida TV cult leader wannabe who would have his followers believe that he is a misunderstood messiah and would rule the world with truth and justice but for the Florida Penal System and the "3-5 years for armed robbery he is currently serving". Look out world, when he is on parole. I wonder what the State does for a messianic work release program? A halo-ankle bracelet....?
  • If God heals through all of these folks on TV, you'd think He'd start with their hair

News Related

  • Today's politicians remind me a little of players in a 30's Mickey Rooney film. Instead of the answer to all problems being, "I know, let's put on a show!" It seems to be, "I know, let's have a commission!"
  • Has the Left finally succeeded in hating the current president more than the Right hated the last?
  • Can we stop politicizing everything and just help the folks in the Gulf Coast?
  • WOW, whose very bad idea was it to hide 8000 people in the Superdome during hurricane Katrina and not follow the city's own evacuation plan?
  • Are you tiring of the comparison of the two main religions. One where a few deluded whacko followers have blown up innocents in defiance of their God, as opposed to the other whose followers kill innocents at their god's behest.
  • Just many people have you gotten to except Christ by threatening them?
  • I hope I live to see a hurricane named Sheckie!
  • As usual, I probably just don't understand but as far as the murderer/martyr thing goes; doesn't it reveal a sexual naivete and insecurity or maybe more accurately, a fear of assertive or empowered women, that these young male killers are expecting a reward of 72 virgins instead of a couple of women who know what the heck they are doing?
  • What do the couple of women murderer/bombers get in heaven, 1 clean-showered guy?
  • Good thing I'm not Muslim. All I 'd have waiting for me in heaven is the *aforementioned BillyBob or Shawayne in a tube top, culottes with a Daisy tattoo sticking out of his crack....and I know I'd have wait in the wrong line for a couple of decades just for that. *see Slaves To Fashion
  • The very last thing that I (don't?) want to be successful at is killing myself
  • The president says, "We can never give in to terrorism" but it's OK for us to pressure the Israelis to leave part of their lands after an endless onslaught of homicide bombers. It doesn't make sense to me
  • Another thought! Why would you give a people who have sworn to destroy you, a sea port? Do you think that they might smuggle in, oh, I don't know, weapons from say China(Russia, North Korea, Niger by way of China, etc) to help accomplish their goal? "No, really, those farm impliments just happen to look like RPG's".
  • Could We Stop This Now?!!The totally PC and out of control NCAA has determined that it cannot allow any college team that sports(pun intended) a nickname relating to a native American tribe, to participate in any of it's tournaments. This, in spite of the fact that nearly each and every tribe has come out in support of the remembrance of their tribal name, by the use of these college teams. I am big on linear thinking and intellectual honesty, even when it is personally painful. Now, if the NCAA is going to follow the logical extention of their thinking, they shouldn't allow any of their member teams to play in states that are named after Native Americans, either. Oh, and while we are PCing, they better move their headquarters. After all, they are HQ'd in Indianapolis, Indiana. Good thing that city and state were so generic in their origins. They would really be much better off moving to Illinois, Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Iowa, Tennessee, Mississippi, Utah, Minnesota, Oklahoma, Nebraska, Oregon....get my drift? I hear the fighting fowl lobby is screaming for the rollback of the nickname at the university of South Carolina. You have no idea how many Gamecocks are feeling diminished and less birdly each and every day. And how about The Fighting Chains of Kankakee State, The Fighting Irish of Notre Dame, The Florida Gators(they are endangered, aren't they?) or even the Indiana Hoosiers. I am one and I don't really know what the heck a Hoosier is but I think I need the NCAA to tell me that I am feeling very offended.

General Ramblings

  • I am considering forming a Christian street gang of middle aged men. I don't think we would be tough enough to deserve a street...Maybe more like a parking lot or a cul de sac, I think
  • Back to fashion...what is this with guys wearing their hats sideways? Do they know that in their efforts to look stylish, yet bad they are copying a chapeau style, excuse me skypiece, created by Goober on Andy Griffith?
  • Hey Rappers, didn't yo Mammas ever tell you to stop touching your little "pee pee" in public

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